You‘ve been with me for the last few weeks as I’ve explored how my youth work superpowers can boost your business (in what we’re definitely NOT calling my copywriting philosophy).

We started with how making your audience feel listened to can build loyalty.

Then we moved on to the power of empathy in building a connection with your customers.

Now we’re at number 3 on my list: directing.

Now, fair warning, this one is the hardest to get right and the easiest to get terribly wrong (both in youth work and in marketing).

While the first 2 superpowers involve putting your target audience in the driving seat, you’re in charge of the wheel for this last one. So, strap in, check your mirrors, and pay attention to your blind spot. Let’s go!

What is a Critical Friend?

In my youth work training, one of the most interesting things I learnt about (aside from the fact that a teenager’s brain is literally rewiring itself while they deal with Math and English lessons) was the concept of the critical friend.

A lot of youth workers want to be friends with the young people they work with. We want to be seen as cool, hip, with it, accepted. Sometimes that stems from not being accepted as a teen themselves, and sometimes it stems from a well-meaning wish to make life lovely for everyone.

The thing is, young people have enough friends. And they’d rather hang out with someone their own age and talk about video games/politics/how annoying Mr Stevens is than listen to you try and make a conversation about Fortnite as if you’re one of them. 

The one thing young people are short on, however, is someone to fill the middle ground between their friends and their parents. They don’t want someone to tell them what to do, and they sometimes need more than a mate who will just agree with them. 

A critical friend is someone who cares about the person, and asks provocative questions or introduces new information to help them see things from a slightly different perspective. 

Let me give you an example: 

Owen is trying to decide which A Levels he wants to do next year. 

His parents want him to be a doctor – respectable, honest, well-paid profession. So: physics, chemistry, biology, maybe maths. He thinks that he might be really good at developing video games. So: graphic design, art, IT. Home is currently full of massive arguments over ambition and “wasting your life” and “you don’t understand me”.

As a youth worker, it’s not my job to tell Owen that he should listen to his parents because they know what’s best for him (as much as his parents would like me to!). It’s also not my job to go “sure, whatever you want”. My job is to help him look at the situation from a different perspective, and to make sure he has all the information. Has he researched game developer career paths, why is he sure this is the job for him? Has he discounted medicine just because it’s what his parents want? I can help him research all these things, and maybe point him in the direction of game developers and doctors so he can make his own decision.

How to be a critical friend to your customers

As business owners, sometimes it can be too easy to focus on trying to get everyone to like you (literally when it comes to social media engagement) or on constantly selling your stuff. But if you only use social media to try and sell (or for “behind the scenes” photos of your dog) then you’re missing a trick. 

Teenagers don’t want to be told what to do. It makes them instantly feel like doing the opposite. They can’t help it, it’s wired into their brains. But they are open to learning from someone else’s perspective.

Your customers are the same. They don’t want the hard sell, but they are open to being convinced that what you sell can improve their lives. They want to be directed, to be shown a different path.

You do this by gently leading them to helpful sources of information or a different perspective. This can make all the difference in the world between being a business that is just trying to get their money, and a brand they connect with.

Blog posts and emails play a big part in authentic directing. Use them to tell your audience about you and your brand, sure. But also use the opportunity to widen their perspective on relevant issues, to expand their knowledge on topics related to your product or service, and to introduce them to interesting people. 

Hazards on the road

(It would appear that I’m sticking with the driving metaphor…which is weird, considering I could have gone the whole orchestra conductor route…but here we are, I’m not rewriting it all now, I have a baby to put to bed!)

As great as “telling people what to do” might sound to you (“you need to buy this…”) it’s important to remember what directing is NOT:

• Bullying your audience. Just because you’ve positioned yourself as an expert, doesn’t mean you get to harangue them.
• Using your influence over your audience to manipulate them (the “friend” part is important: you should care about their wellbeing).
• Making your audience feel “less than” if they don’t buy from you (all these new subscriber pop-ups that say “Subscribe” vs “I don’t want to hear about cool stuff” are not kind, and will not build a community. They’ll just piss people off. 

It’s a journey

There’s a reason that directing is superpower number 3. It has to come on the back of superpowers 1 and 2. In order to direct in a way that is authentic, empowering, and ethical, you need to have listened to your customers and spent time empathising with their situations. When you’re directing you’re showing them how their lives could be better in some way if they worked with you. But you won’t know if that is true unless you’ve done the first 2 things. 

If you want to build a deeper relationship with your customers, to increase their loyalty to your brand, and to make them your biggest advocates (walking Facebook ads that you don’t have to pay for), then you need every step in the process.

And if you’re struggling then I’d love to help, because I want more authentic businesses out there, connecting with their audiences and enriching their lives.

Why not come and chat over on Instagram – I have kitten photos!

Carry on reading