How to Empathise – and build relationships
Last week we took a deep dive (see, marketing speak, I can’t even help myself. I’ve been listening to too many American podcasts) into how listening to your target audience can boost your business.
This week, we’re moving onto my youth work superpower #2: Empathising
Now, let’s get the important things out of the way before we get started: I am British, so unless I am writing for an American business (which I do frequently) my empathising happens with an “s” and not a “z”. If this offends you then may I politely (and very British-ly) ask you to have a quiet word with yourself.
Excellent, you’re back! Doesn’t that feel better?
The dictionary definition of empathy is…not going to help us here. Sorry. Empathy isn’t about dictionary definitions. It’s not about your head, it’s about your heart. You need to make an emotional connection. Here are some ways of building that connection:
Don’t make assumptions
Everyone is different. Just because you think one way doesn’t mean everyone else will too. This also means that the business tool of creating your perfect customer avatar will only take you so far.
It also means that the way you think about your product or service isn’t the way anyone else thinks about it. Seriously, no- one in the world thinks about it as you do. You can’t assume that when they look at your offer they’ll understand exactly how much it can benefit them. You can’t assume that they will care about the particularly beautiful colour green that you spent 3 days combing the Pantone website for.
You need to start from where they are in relation to what you’re selling. Because your perspective isn’t helpful: you’ve poured your heart and soul into your business for countless hours. They’ve scanned a Facebook ad and have ended up on your landing page. You need to do a lot more work to convince them it’s what they need.
Pay attention to feedback
We talked about the power of listening last week, but listening is no good unless you’re paying attention. One of the most powerful things you can give another human being is validation that their pain matters. It might seem a little trivial to apply this to copywriting. After all, surely I’m just trying to sell people stuff?
Well, not really. As businesses we try to solve people’s problems. We listen to their pain, and we acknowledge that it matters, and then we show them a solution (if we have it). That’s not trivial at all.
So, if your customers have given you feedback (or given someone else feedback about you) then you can’t just brush it off. Their experience, their pain matters. And it should make a difference to your products and your messaging.
Put yourself in their shoes
Oh my goodness this phrase has been overused. “Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes before you judge them…” blah, blah, blah. The problem with that is that you’re a mile away and they have no shoes!
I jest, and I’m pretty sure I’ve unwittingly stolen that from some comedian, but it makes a good point!
If you’re putting yourself in someone else’s shoes then you’re still you. So, as a youth worker I learnt that this is more than working out how you would feel in a situation. You have to work out how they feel in that situation. And to do that you need to know them. You have to put yourself in their brain (which is not quite as compelling, or family-friendly an image now I come to think of it).
Understand them
While you need to remember that each of your customers is an individual, and not a generic avatar, you need to try to get to know them as much as you can. Figure out their wants and needs. Work out what they’re seeing as they go about their lives and who they’re listening to. Discover their pain points, their motivations, and what they care about.
Research is your best friend in this situation (and you can find out more about how to do it effectively here), an educated guess isn’t going to cut it. If you’re going to bother at all, then you need to reach out to your audience in an authentic way. Empathy doesn’t work if you’re phoning it in. No one wants to tell their problems to someone who is half-listening while making notes and wondering what clever name to give their customer avatar when they get back to the office.
Serve, solve and then sell
If you want to build an authentic relationship with your audience, one that creates loyal customers and loud advocates who trust you and your expertise, then you’ll be pleased to know that I have an easy-to-remember formula. And you need to check them off in the right order.
The first thing you should aim to do is to serve. When you’re beginning the relationship you need to offer something helpful, something useful. Focus on helping your customer. Whether you do this by pointing them in the direction of useful resources, giving them real value in your lead magnet, or offering them a community of like-minded people is up to you. But your first thought should be to give.
Your second thought? Solve. How can you help them solve the problems that you have discovered and validated? Maybe it’s your product or service? Or maybe its a tip that you used to solve a similar problem in the past.
Only when you’ve thought about serving your customers and solving their problems should you be moving on to selling them something. Unless the cheesy used-car salesman thing is what you’re going for, these previous two steps establish trust and your own expertise, as well as reassuring them that you aren’t trying to take them for a ride. You care about them as a person, not just as a credit card with legs.
And there we come to the root of why empathy is such a genius ingredient in business:
It’s about being human and recognising someone else’s humanity.
…and I’m going to spell recognising with an s too, so you’ll need to make your peace with that.
